“Misfits, rebels, and malcontents.”
That’s my favorite line from the book Wolves’ Gambit. It’s how a wolf from a traditional pack described the members of the members of the loosely knit organization called the Free Wolves. It’s the story of Lori Grenville, who has made it her life’s mission to help unhappy shifters escape from overbearing alphas and dangerous situations. Another of my favorite lines from that story is “But the years of fighting and fleeing had scarred her, and hope didn’t belong in her vocabulary. Only plans and action.”
Sometimes, I get lucky and good lines come to me. More often, I have to revise several times to get the words just right. Take this little piece from The Baron’s Cufflinks, the third book in the Harmony Duprie Mysteries. “I recognized the technique—he hoped the silence would make me uncomfortable and I would say more. It didn’t work. I waited. He sighed.” I can’t tell you how many times I revised those words. They didn’t even exist in my first draft.
I had lots of fun writing my current work-in-progress, called The Fall of Jake Hennessey, because Jake and Harmony match wits throughout the story. There’s a scene where they trade pick-up lines.
“I’m going to need you to step away from the freezer, Jake. You’re melting the ice,” she said with a grin.
He should have known she wouldn’t give up easily. She’d beat him at this game, but he’d make his best shot with lines he remembered from high school. “Did you just come out of the oven? Because you’re too hot to handle.”
The grin got bigger, and she waggled her eyebrows. “That’s a nice shirt. Can I talk you out of it?”
“If you were a library book, I’d check you out,” he replied, putting on his poker face.
She rolled her eyes. “I don’t know whether to give you extra points for that one because it’s relevant, or take one away because I’ve heard it more than once. But here’s mine. You’re so hot, you must be the cause of global warming.”
I haven’t decided on a release date for the story yet, but it’s coming soon.
Now for the worst lines. Most of them I manage to forget after they’ve been erased. What I do have are some entire scenes that I deleted, and I won’t impose them on my readers. I don’t think anyone wants to read over a thousand words of Jake overseeing a furniture delivery, or a deleted love interest for Tasha in Wolves’ Knight.
But here’s a short one to close out. Back to where we started – this is from a deleted scene from Wolves’ Gambit.
Conversation in the room resumed and the guard, after giving the pitcher back to Princess, retook his position. She gulped, but found the courage to fill the rest of the water glasses before scuttling back to the bar.
Want to find out the best and worst lines from other authors? Come with me and follow the links below. And, as always, until next time, please stay safe!